At this point when have I ~not~ had a paranormal experience. I grew up in a very haunted house/farm. There was more a day that didn’t go by I didn’t see, hear, or feel something whether it was me getting attacked (happened a lot because of one particularly nasty spirit) or interacting with one of the former residents that had stuck around.
Starting to practice witchcraft in college helped a lot in understanding what had happened to me and what was still happening to me. I actually have a spirit living with my roommate and I at the moment. Her name is Ryn and she’s a sweetheart.
aesthetics → thor, god of storms, protector of mankind
“Moreover, when thou didst drink from the horn, and it seemed to thee to go slowly, then, by my faith, that was a wonder which I should not have believed possible: the other end of the horn was out in the sea, but thou didst not perceive it. But now, when thou comest to the sea, thou shalt be able to mark what a diminishing thou hast drunk in the sea: this is henceforth called “ebb-tides.’
Since y’all will just throw 15,000 USD at a scam started by people who hate poor folk, how about y’all help a black, disabled, lesbian out! My cat is dying and I need to get him treatment and I also need to afford transportation to and from work!
Otherwise known as; I am in a rut of self-pity and can’t muster the energy to get out of bed, let alone do a ritual. I have eaten onion rings and regret for the past 3 days as my main meal, I am breaking out in acne, I can’t remember the last time I had a wash. Time has become meaningless. I can’t get out of bed.
Devotional Work
This is a big area where depressed witches start giving themselves a really hard time. The guilt of not being a good devotee can become overwhelming, you can convince yourself that your higher power is starting to hate you. None of this is true.
You wouldn’t expect someone with a physically impairing illness to be able to go out and buy a higher power flowers and gifts. Please do not expect it from yourself. One of my biggest tips is that you need to find peace in the reality that you are hurting. Instead of trying to live like you’re well and exhausting yourself by doing tasks you are not ready for or giving yourself huge amounts of guilt by making yourself promises you can not keep, live within your means. There is no need to kill yourself trying to live a life that isn’t possible for you at the minute.
Have an honest conversation with your higher power. Let them know that right now, you are unable to perform conventional acts of devotion and assure them that the love is still there. They will understand. Sometimes they will give you help. One of the perks of being divine is that this higher power has known millions of people just like you. You are not the first devotee to suffer from depression and you will not be the last. They understand.
Here are a few alternative acts of devotion that are more realistic to give you a base to start from.
Eat a meal in front of your altar / dedicate your meal to your higher power
Take a shower.
Clean a small portion of your messes (This can be as little as removing 1 cup from your room, remember, do what you can)
Take 5 minutes to just sit and think about your higher power.
Talk out loud to your higher power like you would a friend.
Go outside for two or three minutes. If you can, go for a walk.
create a Spotify playlist for your higher power; play it only in times of devotion.
Watch a YouTube video about your higher power.
Make your bed.
Spend quality time with a pet.
Light a candle.
Spells
Spells as any seasoned witch will know, require at least a small modicum of personal energy. if you have none to spare, do not push yourself into doing one. There is no witch council looking down and judging you because you have not done a spell in a few months. A lot of people think I am a ‘perfect’ witch. I haven’t done a spell since around March and I hold absolutely no guilt over this. It’s not a requirement. There is more to witchcraft than doing spells.
Having said this, if you are ready to do a spell, do not try to ‘cure’ yourself. You will only be disappointed and have more doubt and self-hatred in your craft when it does not work. You can NOT witch your way into curing depression. Fuck what Facebook groups and crystal healing ebooks have told you. No amount of rose quartz is going to make you love yourself until you are ready to do so. These things are fine used alongside treatment, as an afterthought.They are an aid; they are not and never will be a solution. See a doctor.
Instead of going into spellwork with the mindset of ‘I want to fix x problem’ go in with the mindset of ‘I want to aid the process of my body and soul being able to deal with x’. ‘I want to remind myself that I CAN recover from x’. This is why self-care is a very powerful form of witchcraft. You are merely asking for the traits you already have (power, strength, love) to be enhanced and renewed once again. You are not changing yourself. You are refining yourself into the person you always were. You are reminding yourself how wonderful you have always been.
When your brain is clouded from fog and time is a word you’ve forgotten the meaning of, do not worry about memorising long lists of spell item correspondences. It is an actual, medical fact that when depressed our memory gets worse and we are unable to retain, process and recall information like we once could.
The reality is that the 99% of witches do not remember spells, simple correspondences or tarot meanings off the top of their head. They all use a mix of pure intuition and double checking. I’ve been practising in various different forms for a long time now, somewhere between 7 and 9 years depending on how strictly you use the term witchcraft, and I can not and never will remember the meanings of every tarot card, spell ingredient or colour. I can’t remember ritual orders, incantations or the dates of the sabbats.
I was not blessed with an encyclopedic memory, in fact, I’d go as far to say that my ‘off the top of my head’ memory of witchcraft is worse than someone who has been practising and studying for as little as 3 months. What I do have, however, is notes, books and 6 years worth of blog links to refresh my memory. There is absolutely no shame in having to refer to these resources and it does not make you any less of a witch.
This is why grimoires are a thing. We all have this notion that it’s so you can look back in the future on your old workings or pass them down to a relative. While both of these things are true, grimoires are working active reference tools, just like any other website or book. Don’t be afraid to use them.
I hope you found this post useful and if you have any other thoughts feel free to add them!
may the bridges I burn light the way 