(since I wrote this for myself, it is semi-gendered and also uses the word âbitchâ)
Do not fuck with this witch, I am one badass bitch, touch me and your hands will burn â come near me and your stomach turns as I say it, it shall be: now stay the fuck away from me.
(when threatened whisper/chant quietly or repetitively think on this chant. This one makes me feel really strong and tough and I enjoy the colloquial language in it a LOT.)
âNever Smile at a Crocodileâ glamour protection spell
Goal of Spell:
Gives you the aura of someone not to be fucked with. Good for women going out to places where the could get cat called or followed or if you have to walk to your car at night after work like I do.
*Pairs perfectly with the âmurder walkâ
What youâll need:
– candles (green, white and whatever other color you feel like adding I used Red)
– lip balm/lip stick/ chap stick or whatever lip product you like
– protection crystal or protective item, and Bloodstone or Bloody Dragon Jasper
-optional: add crocodile or gator pictures or motifs
– paper and pen
-Lastly, your voice
How to do it:
Take your pen and paper and draw the sigil that I have made for the spell on it (it shall be pictured below). Place your 3 candles one in the middle with the others on each side. Place your stones or items in between each candle and then the paper in the middle.
Place your lip product on top of the paper and channel your energy and intent to it. Then sing/hum/whistle the song âNever Smile at a Crocodileâ (lyrics below). Draw the sigil on the product if you can for added effect and put it on.
May no one fuck with you!
Lyrics:
Never smile at a Crocodile,
No you canât get friendly with a Crocodile,
Donât be taken in by his welcome grin,
Heâs imagining how well you fit within his skin.
Never smile at a Crocodile,
Never tip your hat or stop to talk awhile,
Never run
Walk away
Say goodnight
Not good day
Clear the aisle and never smile at Mr. Crocodileâ
Hi, I donât curse, but can we all just agree that cursing white supremacists is a really good-heckin idea right now? Can everyone please just get along and work together to annihilate the fucking Nazis? Just imagine weâve got our cursers on offense here in combat sending forth their collective conscious force of magickal fucking wrath and non-cursers on support throwing binding spells left and god damn right, energizing the magickally drained cursers after battle, and healing those ill-affected by the war. Iâm honestly not settling for less than some fantastic full fledged army of Nazi-ass-busting witches here.
Iâm in
Idea for non-curser witches: you can always bind their sorry asses from hurting and harming others. Just a friendly witch tip đ
Itâs also a good idea to cast protection/good luck spells to help protect the people in danger of nazi bullshit
Iâm glad you all enjoyed this edition of âLate Night Stonery Ramblings with Amandaâ which I barley remember writing from my apparent high-induced inspiration for motivational speeches and destroying the Nazis.
Iâm gonna be slaving away at the keyboard today gathering a wide variety of information to compile a detailed master post with spells and tips for both cursers and non-cursers to all gather and merrily participate in the Nazi-ass-busting together in harmony.
[Spell Jar to Protect American Minorities]Â – I need to give a special shout out to the creator here because this spell is fucking awesome and is absolutely perfect for this cause and useful for all types of witches!
[Burst Your Bubble Curse]Â –Â âa
simple curse to destroy someoneâs ego or their hopes over something.â
[Avada Kedavra Curse]Â –Â âa
harry potter inspired curse designed not to kill, but to make the
target feel deathâs presence in their life.â
[Red In Your Ledger Curse]Â –Â âa
curse to inflict all the pain a person has caused back on them, one
item at a time.â
[Seven Devils Curse]Â –Â âinspired
by florence + the machineâs âseven devilsâ, a curse to burn the
kingdom of and haunt the target.â
[The Gaston Curse]Â – Â âcurse to knock someone off of their high horse and make them feel the pain they have inflicted upon others and/or you.â
[Voice Theft Curse]Â –Â
âa curse to stop someone who has been spewing hateful speech and words and return that negativity they put out back into their life.â
Now go forth my children, and give emâ fucking hell.
One of my favorite Disney witches, Eglantine Price, proudly defended her country from Nazi invasion through the judicious use of barely understood spells and charms (never could get that toad spell down).
I would be honestly astonished to discover that any of my friends here on Tumblr were Nazi sympathizers, so I doubt anyone will be bothered by my complete lack of trouble with reblogging this post.
However, since I am certain a great many people who do magic are thinking of doing this exact thing, might I suggest a few tactics?
1. If you arenât good at curses, or donât desire to curse, but you do want to go on the offensive, there are confusions spells and âbad timingâ hexes, and of course the occasional useful weather spell.
2. If youâre a more kindly sort, protection spells can be cast not only on your more aggressive magical counterparts, but also upon potential victims. Concealment spells and ânick of timeâ charms might also not go amiss.
3. For those who work with spiritual forces such as gods, fae, ghosts, or otherwise, calling them forth to aid the situation might be exactly what the doctor ordered.
Our recent Circle of Salt podcast episode talked about exactly this phenomenon, so let me also remind you all- if you want to be public about your spells and join a movement, remember that the work on 45 is in fact working if we observe the evidence. For those who wish to be less open about their work, or arenât fond of joining these kinds of things, I encourage you to focus at least some of your efforts on doing something useful that hasnât been advertised yet.
For all of you, make sure at least part of your magic is intended to bring about blessings to the rest of us, because life is hard, and endless aggression and fighting makes it harder. The dangers of a witch war often are not only found in how anotherâs spells affect us, but in how our own outlook affects the rest of our lives. Take care of yourselves and each other, first and foremost.
So youâve some nasty creepers hanging around. A ghost is rattling their chain and banging on walls. What a rude fucker. What do you do?Â
Summon your courage. Buck the fuck up. Look, ghosts are just dead people. Theyâre still fucking people. They might be assholes or they might be sweethearts. Donât lump all ghosts together. Iâm not saying donât be scared because, fuck that, thereâs invisible fucking people in your house. Thatâs nightmare fuel. But you can be scared and still be brave.
Get pissed. No, really. Get fucking angry. This sort of behavior isnât acceptable. Think of alllllllllll the reasons you want them gone. Channel your inner Hulk if you have to.
Open ALL the doors and windows as much as you can. Make sure you can get to every single window and door in all the rooms plus the basement and attic if you have one. Even the closets, crawlspaces, cupboards, etc. ALL OF THEM.Iâm not saying fling open that donât and let Spot the Housecat get outside but even cracking it the tiniest bit will help. Clean the hallways and pathways as youâll need to move as quickly as you can. Locking up said pets in their carriers, crate, cages, etc. during this is helpful too. You might want to chase out other people too. I find exorcising shit works best when Iâm alone or with another woo~ person or two is helpful. You can get kids involved too, as Iâll explain in point 7.
Give a warning. Tell those dead intruders to get the fuck out. Threaten their ass with an exorcism.Â
Now get the chalk, salt, holy water, and rosemary herb stick. FYI, neither salt nor holy water works all the time but it works most of the time. For an herb stick get a bunch of rosemary and dry it together in a bundle. Ta-da. Pour some salt in your water to dissolve it. I find sticking the water in a squirt bottle or water gun works well. Figure out a system that works well so you can carry the herb stick, water, salt, and chalk. I find using a small salt pouch clipped to my pants by a carabiner works remarkably well.Â
Prep your protection shit. Get that shit ready to go. I tend to use rosemary, salt water, salt, chalk, and bay. Whatever works for you. Put it all in the same room you start in if you canât carry it with you.
Chase it the fuck out. Yell and move as quickly as you can. Tell it to get the fuck out. Itâs not welcome here and it needs to fucking go. Tell it all sorts of lies like if it comes back youâll eat it or sic your familiars on it. IDK, just be as scary as possible. Start in the lowest portion of the house and work your way up. As you go, toss a light coating of salt at the windows, doors, closets, cupboards, etc. Spritz water in the same place as youâre throwing salt but also include the corners of the rooms and mirrors too. Slam door, window, cupboard, etc. shut. Now mark it with an âXâ in chalk. You could put a protection or banishing symbol up too. I just find the X easier. It should be clearly visible. If it isnât, go back over it with the water. Do that with each and every room all the way up to the highest point of the house. Itâs easier with more people and kids will have fun yelling at ghosts and throwing salt, squirting water, and slamming the windows and doors. If youâre lucky and have a third person available, they can come along behind you and lay on the protection right afterwards.
Make your home a fortress. Lock that shit up. Coat the glass, mirrors, faucets, etc with protection oil or water. Was the floor in a protection floor was. Go ahead and wash the walls and doors too. As you clean and protect each room, feel free to wipe off any of those chalk âXâs you run across. Make sure you bolster those defenses every so often to keep shit out.
What was that? You want to be subtle about it? Fine. Steep rosemary in salt water for 10-15 minutes. Pour that in a drinking glass and open one single window or door. Now go from each room as subtly as you can in step seven. Skip the yelling but just dab or flick the water. Be sure to get all the windows, doors, mirrors, and corner.Â
If this sort of spell doesnât work, youâll need to step up your game and become a Ghostbuster.
(BTW, I know this isnât the same as the âLiving People Versionâ but they have the same name in my book.)
ADDENDUM: In reference to the word âholyâ previously being crossed out, I have commentary on why it was. (TL;DR: It was in reference to the very many holy water recipes that summarily are not created with a divine in mind and I forgot to explain the slight.)Â I have since uncrossed the word holy in deference for divinely created holy water.
may the bridges I burn light the way 